Working in tech has many challenges, one of those is the rate of change and how we respond and adapt to those changes. New languages and tools are constantly introduced and for some this can be a fearful time. I once heard that we don’t fear change as much as we fear loss and I personally believe that to be true. The phrase ‘people don’t like change’ is a misnomer for me as it doesn’t fit with my view of the world or reflect the progress (rate of change) we’ve seen in the past 150 years. Some change is born out of necessity however some is out of curiosity, frustration, pleasure or by accident.
Lately my world has been a veritable epic centre of change and this has forced me to apply introspection and really think about what is happening both externally and internally. This thinking also follows on from my last post about expectations and how these too can have an impact on how we perceive the world around us.
We all have a set of internal guides that help us to make decisions and sense of the world. These are often referred to as a values, the emotive elements of life that we place a varying degree of importance on. For example, Integrity is one of my highest rated values whereas safety is something I value much less. This can be seen in my frustration with people I would consider unreliable and my ease at which I can pack up and move to another country without first securing a job. These are some of the things that make me, me. Everyone has their own set of values and their own ranking of these. If I propose the idea of packing up and moving overseas without a job and somewhere to live to someone that does value safety highly, I’m likely to meet quite a lot of resistance to this idea and probably a lot of questions.
When our values feel compromised in any way it’s likely that we will start to feel anxious, uncertain, frustrated and other things that make us feel a little uncomfortable with what’s happening around us. By knowing what our values are and taking the time to identify how something is making us feel, whether our values are being compromised or fulfilled, we can start to understand our own behaviours. This can help us to rationalise change and is a technique I find particularly useful when I feel as though the change is out of my control.
Fear of Loss
Loss can be an incredibly powerful emotion and I know that times in which I’ve been most troubled has been when I’ve lost someone or something that I had a strong connection to. When we’re first confronted with losing something it can be a difficult time. A role change can stir up many varied emotions, such as being excited about new responsibilities or opportunities but it can also be a difficult time as we come to terms with perhaps losing team relationships that we had built up over time. With almost every state transition we take as people we are usually gaining something but in the process, also removing or losing something.
In times of change where a feeling of loss has been involved I have found it helpful to focus on what I have gained. Being able to come to a place of accepting that things won’t be the same as they were can be difficult and it’s important that we are honest about ourselves as been accepting of a loss or not accepting. Some losses can feel bigger than others so I also like to use a scale system to put things in perspective.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of an impact is this loss going to be on my life?
- What would be a 10?
- What other options do I have still have in my life?
- Is it still ‘X’ on the scale?
This exercise helps me to think of events more critically and I usually end up downgrading the impact of the loss by the end of this.
Most of us have an expectation about what is going to happen to us in the next day, the next week or for those of us who really love to think ahead, perhaps longer than that. If we’re the type of person who likes to think about the future and what that might bring given our current set of circumstances, when one of those circumstances change, this can throw things in to disarray. There is thinking that if you change your expectation, you change your perception. When people don’t met our expectations, even when we haven’t communicated what those expectations are, it’s easy to feel disappointed or frustrated that someone else hasn’t done what you think they should. Talking with people who have leadership positions about people who report to them, one of the common complaints is ‘Why did they / didn’t they do what I thought they would?’
The answer to this question lies in the conversation about what is or isn’t expected, not what you perceive the expectation to be. My perception is that most people want to be kind to other people and want to do well. Once a conversation takes place about what both parties expected, the source of frustration is usually clear. Having a growth mind set also helps with this as it allows us to be more open to other possibilities. This isn’t a case of ‘lowering expectations’ rather than ‘understanding expectations’ so that an outcome which is shared by both parties can be reached. Having the courage to talk about what we expect with others is a skill which I am continuing to place more importance on. It can be a good tool in diffusing a frustrating or difficult situation.
Underlying a lot of this is ‘the unknown’ which, if not understood can sometimes cause paralysis of change. These are some of the types of change I commonly experience and how I try to adapt to the undulation of emotions that come with these events. The more practice I do with these tools, the quicker I am able to get back to a place of comfort where I feel empowered to act.
Are there any tools you use for adapting to change to either these types or another type of change?